Here, intuitive advice columnist DearJames answers a question about letting go of the need to be part of a couple, and to love life as a single person.
From serious to silly, monumental to mundane, or somewhere in between, DearJames responds to questions asked by his readers. The answers may be just what you were looking for, or may provide you with a whole new perspective on things.
I have a great life. I love what I do for a living. I am fairly successful and healthy. I love my friends, too. I am very grateful for everything in my life!
However, I have been single for a couple of years. I have tried to visualize/attract a new love relationship; tried online dating; being set up by friends, etc., with no luck.
A couple of months ago, I finally gave up and realized that some things are just not meant to be. Now I would like to know what I can do to just let go. I don’t want to feel this way, and if I am to be alone, I want to be happy and single rather than miserable and single.
I know I will get there with time, but I would appreciate a word of advice on how to speed this process up a bit. – Happy & Single
DearJames answers: Happy and single
Dear Happy & Single,
Protection… not rejection; is your new mantra. Realize with all the happiness you are attracting into your life; career, friends, health, etc., the Universe is protecting you, not rejecting you.
All the other areas in your life are humming along and yet deep down inside there’s a part of you missing. You’re longing to “find” something that you believe will complete you; and you are absolutely right.
However, that missing link or piece is YOU: not a mate. Once you find YOU and truly learn to love her, you will find that you really are happy and single.
This is all about learning to love yourself; learning to know and accept that you are enough; that you are all you will ever truly “need.”
It is a journey of self-discovery: a journey where you come into your own. A journey where just your mere existence: is satisfying and fulfilling. A journey where you become whole: complete.
Every moment of every day, remind yourself of your beauty: your light: your aliveness. Take walks with yourself; engaging yourself in conscious or meditative discussion.
Discover your true identity.
After some time, you will come to find this void has dissipated or even vanished altogether, because it has naturally been filled with something far greater; something that will stay with you for all of eternity: YOU: the Love of YOU: and the peace that is derived from within.
It is then, because you are whole, happy and complete just as you are, that the opportunity to partner or engage in and with another will present itself. Just as it is now, it will be then: the decision will be yours.
You will arrive at the same destination; however, the Universe is offering you a richer path by discovering your true identity solo. You need not subject yourself to the worn, trodden path of others: unless you desire it to be so: in order to discover your self.
So rejoice that your soul has chosen to discover itself in this manner and be thankful, for the Universe rewards genuine appreciation with sustained abundance.
And that is worthy of your acceptance and commitment to an empowered, whole: You.